SuperMom 4: A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

"Well, it’s out there now. Yep, that’s me on the internet. What did I get myself into? Geez, I look like that? Why did I do this? At least my head is cut off. Looks like I need a new sports bra, give the girls a boost. I have my mother’s hands. My butt doesn’t look too bad, but that tire needs to go."

Everything I typed in the paragraph above ran through my mine the minute Hallie showed me the picture. I never have liked looking at myself in pictures. Thanks to Facebook and Pinterest I have learned the correct poses and hand positions to help look my best self, or at least fake it. I can guarantee that my picture would have looked a heck of a lot different if I could have done my normal picture taking routine. But then you wouldn’t be looking at the truth. I wouldn’t have to see it either.

After mulling around the idea of my body being out there for everyone to see I began to think about why my body is the way it is. I know my strong points. They just get covered up by the little bad things that add up quickly. For example, my thighs are big, always have been. I have always liked my legs from the mid-thigh down. But that upper half, sheesh. Let’s face it; I will never have a gap. I don’t think I want a gap. After beating myself down I realized, my legs may be big, but they are strong. They helped me sprint and step hurdles in high school. During the summer I was a catcher. Squat workouts, no sweat. Leg extensions, you got it. Come see what I can do on the hip sled. I challenge you to a leg day with me. My butt has a nice lift and curve on a good day. Thank you lunges. Honestly, my legs aren’t too bad. They get the job done.

Arms? More like tree trunks. But when I look in the mirror and flex, it’s a totally different picture. I used to have a hard time with tricep pushups. One or two was okay, but five? No way. After working hard and doing a little at a time, I have worked my way up to where I can do five. And then do five more. You might see big arms, but I know what those big arms can do. I have to keep telling myself that most people have no idea what my body can do. I have to keep telling myself that I still don’t know everything my body can do.

Spare tire. Yep, it’s still there. The last thing to go. I realize that my chances of having a six pack are slim to none. I’m not oblivious to the fact that I have extra cushion that I don’t need. Some of that cushion is never going to go away without some kind of surgery. I have three C-sections to thank for that cushion, it’s staying. I know that if I keep at it some of that will burn off. That’s why I signed up for this. It’s going to take time. And by working hard and sweating a lot I’m earning more time. Woodchops and I are going to get real familiar with each other.

So, I guess this picture was worth it. It made me realize "my worth." It is a reminder of why I’m having a grilled chicken salad instead of my homemade spaghetti and garlic bread; why I reach for almonds and reduced sugar craisins instead of the Halloween candy. Water vs. Pepsi. Maybe after all of this I will compare the now vs. then picture. Those thousand words are going to be different this time around.

SuperMom 4: "This Girl is on Fire"

This Girl is on Fire

Come on. Everyone knows the song by Alicia Keys. I love belting out the chorus whenever I can. However this week, the words were a little different. Instead of "This Girl" it was "my butt is on fire, my calves are on fire, my back and abs are on fire, etc." You get the point. I was pushed this week in my workouts. And I was/am sore. I’m still feeling it in my lats from standing lat pulls and upright rows. Oofta. I squeezed that grape good. (For those of you that have never done any lifting with weights, imagine squeezing a grape between your shoulder blades. The muscle you are targeting is the latissimus dorsi, or lats for short). My oldest child made me laugh today and it hurt. Thank you woodchops.


The point system that I use to keep myself on track is getting easier to use. My strength points (weight room) were under par, but a huge improvement from last week. A few more tweaks this week and I will be on course. Cardio points were there, and the miscellaneous points were close. This week has a few scheduling conflicts with the workout routine, but hey, things pop up all the time and we have to learn to make the best of it.


Eating. Ah yes, my favorite pastime. I cut back on the reporting my meals to Hallie. I did fairly well in keeping my major meals on point. Midafternoon is where I start to waver. I have found that by keeping a bowl of almonds and reduced sugar craisins on the counter I will distract myself with a small handful of those instead of heading for the pantry. I have bagged up the Halloween candy and it is resting comfortably in the freezer.


Speaking of freezer, the upcoming snowstorm could wreak havoc on my week. My solution: my oldest loves to time me with my stopwatch. We will be doing our own at-home tabata, if need be, and I’m sure she will love it. Then again, she loves burpees. I could be in trouble working out with her. The treadmill will be seeing some Mommy time as well. Thank goodness for Netflix. 

I debated on whether or not to tell this next part, but I think I need to. For the first time in a while, I felt "skinny" the other day. I put on a pair of jeans, a pair that is still the size I’m trying to get out of, and there was no muffin top. My shirt, which was kind of snug, showed no bulge. My confidence level was through the roof. It was fantastic. I was on Fire, and it felt awesome.

SuperMom 4: The Amazon

   Wow, I can't believe how many phenomenal women have stepped up to be SuperMoms! They are providing inspiration for so many people, and that is amazing. Our next SuperMom I have nicknamed "The Amazon". She is powerful. She demonstrates such strength in the weight room that its down right unreal! Her presence is strong. When she stands in a group she stands out, and she's earned it. She worked her ass off as a farm kid growing up, and continues to work just as hard as a mom. She speaks nothing but the truth, and fears no opinion. I took it as a huge compliment when she volunteered for the SuperMom Project. I worked to design a program for SuperMom 4 that is tailored to her personality and needs. She is constantly on the go, volunteering for her children's programs and taking them to sports, so we are approaching her plan as many chunks throughout the day vs. one, big exercise chunk. She also has a great handle on nutrition, just needs the accountability. So starting off, she is highly accountable to me for her meals, and we will taper off as we go.
   But enough talk from me, lets hear it from The Amazon herself!

Dirty Four Letter Word

   Oh my.  Where to begin?  This is my first blog entry, ever.  To say I’m a little nervous and apprehensive would be an understatement.  So, if you can find it in your generous hearts to bear with me and look over the extra commas, run on sentences, and grammatical errors I would be forever grateful. 

   This week, and the half of the previous one, has been a big change for me.  You see, I’m in this

predicament because of a dirty little four letter word.  FOOD.  Here’s another one that got me in trouble, CARB.  I love them both.  Sometimes a little too much, and here I am because of them. 

 

Change #1:  Less bad food, i.e. bad carbs.  Sounds easy, right?  I learned very quickly that this journey was going to be harder than I thought.  I grew up eating meat and potatoes almost every day.  I didn’t have to worry about portions.  Now I’m making a conscious effort to reduce the amount of bad carbs, replace them with better carbs, and eat more green stuff.  All while making sure I’m getting enough protein and water. 

  Change #2:  More sweat, i.e. cardio.  This is a word I have never liked.  I still don’t.  But, if I want this to work, I have to do it.  Thank goodness for a wide variety of fitness classes.  I could hang out in the weight room, pumping iron, all day.  I would rather get hit by a bus than to run a mile.  That said, I have been getting my sweat on with no trouble.  Now I just have to keep going and stick with it.  I recently read an article on Sophia Vegara and I’m stealing her workout motto.  No pain, no cake.  I like it.  Fits me perfectly.

  This week of workouts have been a lot of circuits, intervals, arm work, leg work, and handstands. 

Pushups are starting to like me again.  I’m finding out that I’m stronger than I think I am, and I can push myself a little harder now that I have a goal in mind.  Thanksgiving is just a few weeks away.  I’m going to be in my old jeans come hell or high water.  I know what I have to do.  Thank goodness there is Hallie to give me a kick in the rear when I get lazy.  She is my key player in this game of weight loss/better food choices/getting my sweat on.  She knows exactly what buttons to push, and she knows how I think.  Accountability is a hurdle that she is helping me stride over.  Whenever I’m beginning to falter, she’s right there to help get me back on track.

 

This week I have my work cut out for me.  I have my set routine of classes that I will attend, and I will be rocking it in the weight room again.  I am going to do more exercises at home, earn more points, and improve my numbers by this time next week.  The good Lord willing, my family will stay healthy and huge obstacles will be at a minimum.  Until next time, wish me luck and happy healthy thoughts!

Over-Exercising, the devil in the wings

   Let me describe a scenario. You've made the decision, your resolve is set in stone. Everyday you start going to the gym. Maybe you went two or three times a week before this, or maybe you never went at all. But you're a beast now! You are going to two group classes in a row 5 days a week, or slamming that elliptical for an hour every day then doing enough abs to make Spanx a thing of the past. Who knows what your goal is. Lose 20 lbs in a month, finally get rid of that jiggly spot, regardless of the dream, with the amount of cardio and HIIT you've been putting in, you should be a stick in no time. Then you get on the scale and it hasn't moved. So you start eating only cabbage, or cut out all sugar and gluten. Problem solved. A week later, you step on the scale expecting big things, and it still hasn't freaking budged! One last balls to the wall attempt has you hitting those HIIT classes like never before, drinking those meal replacement shakes twice a day, and making that elliptical scream! Six days in a row! On the seventh day, you crawl out of bed, nursing a swollen joint, starving yet cringing at the thought of your two egg whites and protein shake breakfast because you could kill a bakers dozen of doughnuts in one breath right now. You slowly crawl to the bathroom, place one toe on the scale to zero it out, then with a deep breath, step on. One. Pound. Up. You swear at life, decide you have a thyroid issue, and that you may as well demolish the bagels and cream cheese in the back of the fridge because you've been dreaming about it for three weeks and what does it matter now anyways.
   What really happened? Odds are you don't have a thyroid issue, but most of us have hypothesized that at one point or another.
   1) The scale didn't move because you are retaining water. When you exercise your muscles, you create micro-tears that heal to build stronger, larger muscles. These tears also create swelling and water retention during the healing process in the same way an injury swells on the outside.
  2) The scale only relays your relationship with gravity, it doesn't describe your physical make-up. Some scales do state your BMI, but that's a useless number. What you may be missing is your body fat percentage. Your body fat percentage is taken using measurements of specific areas of your body and tells you how much of your body is made up of fat as opposed to muscle. You can be the same weight as you were when you started, but have lost inches in body fat and replaced it with lean muscle mass.
   3) Poor nutrition. The human body is a machine. It will do what it has to do to keep itself working. If you don't provide the fuel, either through cutting too many calories or withholding macro-nutrients, it will begin storing what it can and shutting down what it needs to to survive. In fact, if you cut out more than 500 calories a day from food and burn more than 500 calories in exercise at the same time, your body will enter starvation mode and begin storing fat and burning muscle.


   Combine all those with over-exercising and you have a snowball effect. Over-exercising is what happens when you don't give your body a chance to heal. It is a sneaky fiend and happens to the best of us. The most common indicators of over-exercising are fatigue during the day, decline in performance, getting sick more often (unless you have small children, which are mobile germ machines), and a general feeling of yuckiness (malaise).
   It seems frustrating, because you read/see/hear about people in the gym constantly, twice a day, and damn do they look amazing! So why can't you? Hell, you even see meme's spouting how  the dedicated and those truly determined to achieve put forth the effort to get in that damn gym every day. So why not you? The truth is, those people didn't start off in the gym every day, or if they did, they were supervised, advised, and had a plan of attack. They balanced cardio, resistance training, and flexibility training with proper nutrition and they listened when their body spoke. I've had days when I stopped five minutes into a workout because my body was just "done". When that happens, rest. Take a few days and recover. If you need guidance, contact a personal trainer, often times we can schedule one or two sessions just to help you work a plan of attack (we do more than yell at people, I swear!).
    Work smarter, not harder, my friends, and thrive!

The Final Week - SuperMom and Her Amazing Attitude

Day 18:

WEIGH IN DAY.   I lost 2.6 pounds, earning me my 10 pound star.  When I started weight watchers 15 weeks ago I thought it would be easy, it would just melt away.  After my week of revelations and knowing that I would be achieving another star, I thought about what I would say to the meeting about how I have been this successful.  Every time I tried to think of how to get out what is inside I cry.  As I have discussed this week, it has been a huge week of revelations for me.  I have realized many things about myself I was either too in denial to admit or didn’t realize.  My fitness is amazing, I can’t wait to continue.  My legs and butt are starting to have form, which would probably be my favorite part of my body, if I had to choose.  Eating right isn’t hard, but it isn’t easy.  It takes dedication.  Making sure I am eating items that go towards my goals for the day (main focus on protein right now), but continuing to follow my weight watchers diet.  It isn’t hard, but I do find myself eating or burning out on a particular food.  Chicken breast is my go to, I usually grill up 10 a week and then freeze them, I grab this if I want to snack or an early lunch or a quick add on to a salad at dinner if my family is making other choices.  I do allow myself for some less healthy choices from time to time, but really try to stay on an 80/20 or 90/10 balance. 

Day 19:

Today my shout out goes to Hallie, this wonderful program that she offers to people is amazing!  It really has changed my life, showing me that I can push myself and succeed.  I don’t think there is enough praise in the world she can receive to let her know how truly awesome she is!  She definitely kicks butt at her workouts.  I love the positive support he gives with also guiding.  I love hearing that my form is awesome!  It does make me aware of how I may have doing things wrong in the past and what I need to do to change them.  Adding in the extra exercise today is going to be tough, however knowing that I have the weekend off or at least light duty I am ok with it. 

Day20-21: Rest  

While I was told to rest this weekend, my body felt like it wanted to move.  I did end up going to the fair with my sister- to see Kid Rock.  I did almost 20,000 steps this day (Day 20).

Day 22:

This week I am working on my own for exercise.  I am going to repeat last week’s exercises, as I know something big is coming for the future.  Today, I again ran my 3.1 miles in about 38 minutes.  This seems to be a good time for me to run.  It seems to be getting a little easier; however I am starting to feel some discomfort in my knee.  It isn’t bad at this point, however does act up after and during running, hopefully nothing too bad.  I hit 110 g of protein today! I think I can tell when I don’t eat enough other days, because I crave it more and more.

Day 23:

I found it very hard, almost not able to complete a Tabata this morning, because I was by myself.  All I know is I was sweating.  Not much else to say about today, getting busy with starting the new job and anticipating new kids.

Day 24:

Another run day, the pain in my knee is progressing when I am running; I have a race on Saturday that I hope to not miss, as I have been doing a great job with training.  This week feels a little off as I am working on my own.  I am happy that I am still working out, but I do miss having that accountability though, I probably could push harder?!?!  This is my last week of freedom before the craziness of a new school year kicks off.  I really think that I am going out with a bang this weekend.  To keep motivation this week has been tough cause I know there will be no rest for me.  But I need to be active.  Food hasn’t been too hard as I am preparing for this weekend of probably not eating how I should, but doing the best I can with what I have.

Day 25:

Today I worked on some squats and push ups. I did several different types of squats, 3 reps a piece, also threw in some arms in there.  A little bit of everything.  I can’t wait to have Hallie back tomorrow for a butt kicking.  Today is my last day of work for the week, which I am thankful for.  I have had the last 6 months off of work, so jumping back in has proven to be difficult.  I know that I am going to be away from my family much of the next few days, which doesn’t thrill me either.  I walked for 20 minutes on my treadmill tonight before bed, because I just felt I needed a little bit more.

Day 26:

Here’s to the start of my busiest weekend in the world.  I have a wedding that I am in, as well as my Women Rock 5k run (bumming a little as I was supposed to run the 10K- my longest distance)  I started the day out well, working out with Hallie, which was kick butt as usual.  Then the running began.  Unfortunately I didn’t pack enough snacks and didn’t know that my time would be limited.  My nutrition for today was not good.  I didn’t stop to get fast food, but then I definitely didn’t eat enough.  My body was screaming when it came time for dinner.  I wanted to eat everything in sight, they had chips and cheese sauce out for an appetizer.  I refrained, and then ordered my pulled pork with no bun and no chips with a side salad.  I love the look I get when I order at a restaurant.  I feel a little high maintenance, however I am paying for the food and would like to be able to enjoy versus staring at the food I shouldn’t be eating. Let’s get real, I wouldn’t stare I would’ve eaten the food.

Day 27:

Today was my Women Rock 5K.  I ran it in 40 minutes.  The first mile was quick, but then my dreaded runners knee started acting up.  Mile 2 was tough, I pushed through mile 3 until I felt a pop and extreme pain.  However, I was not tapping out of the race.  I walked a lot more than wanted; I did run across the finish line which was my goal.  I must have been running funny because my hip started acting up as well. I iced on my way home and used panaway, because I knew rest wasn’t going to be on my agenda for the rest of the day.  I did stretch really well, too.  It didn’t bother me too much the rest of the day, standing in the church got to be a bit much.  But then dancing the night away was fun! I did 23,000 steps today!

Day 28:

Rest day, thankfully.  Although we did go to the state fair all day, so really no rest for me.

Day 29: 

Today I was so sore and tired; I think my crazy weekend caught up with me.  I took my bodies lead and used a rest day. I was in and out of sleep most of the day, which isn’t normal for me.  I honored it though.

Day 30:

Today I am back to the running, it is more of a walk as I don’t know how far to push my knee without injury, I really don’t want to set myself back.  However, I really don’t want to get into the habit of not doing it.  I want to be able to increase my mileage for my half marathon next year.  So anyhow, I can do three miles walk run in around 45 minutes, which I still think is pretty good, since I am focused on time.  After my crazy weekend I am getting back on my nutrition, I definitely can tell that it has been a little off.  I just don’t feel as well and sluggish.  This makes me happy, because I wasn’t feeling like I was missing out on too much, I thought I would be satisfied with eating some not so good foods at the fair or the wedding.  However it was opposite, I really haven’t missed unhealthy eating.  I feel better when I eat better, surprised, shouldn’t be but I was.  I also am happy to be back working out, again with this when I go too long without I don’t feel right.  This is weird for me because I have gone through phases of working out a ton, in the past, to being pretty sedentary.  This time my body craves the workout.

Day 31:

Today was a stormy afternoon, and I couldn’t pull my butt out of bed early to get my work out on, so I hung out with Jillian for 35 minutes. Ahhh how I missed her, NOT.  I definitely love my time with Hallie, because I have learned so much about form, which you miss out with when doing a video.  Anyhow, now that I am back at work, I am finding it hard to get my 10,000 steps in, unless I am running.  However those of you that have followed me, you know I am competitive and will march in place until I hit my 10,000 steps, especially since my husband has a fitbit. (can’t let him win- yes I am Monica from friends J)  As I am nearing the end of this program, I really hope you learned something as I did or it motivated you to make some changes.  I hope that you see that this is truly a journey and not a quick fix.  I make mistakes, I definitely am not perfect- pretty perfect though.  I love looking at it as one day at a time.  These changes didn’t happen overnight, so the correction won’t happen overnight either.  But know that you are worth it!  You deserve the best! You are a VIP!

Wading through the Bull Shit - The Plight of the Average Gym-Goer

  This morning I read a blog that I found inspiring. Was it the blog of the fitness model who eats only what she pulls from her own garden? No. I'd starve, my garden sucks. I can't even grow corn. Maybe the lady who lost 125 pounds and now swears by her $600 cleanses? Nope. It was the blog by the fitness model/trainer who stood up against CrossFit. It inspired me because he stood against it for the same reasons I do. I'm not the only one! It's nice, when you're standing in the least popular corner in the fitness world, to have company.
   So why do I stand against CrossFit? The same reason I stand against Isagenix, Advocare, fad diets, extreme diets, Insanity, Beach Body, Shakeology, etc., etc. Bring on the deluge of hate comments. It's cool, because here it is: They're Bull Shit. I think what most people fail to realize is that these "life-changing" companies do what corporations do best; target a specific market, convince that specific market that the company produces a need that cannot be met anywhere else, create a demand, and charge premium for that demand. If you think that any of these corporations are doing any of this for any other reason than profit than you are delusional.
   Lets start with CrossFit. I have the least beef with them, because they're not so much a breach of ethics to me as just a bit misled. I have good friends in CF (at least until they read this, then it will be "had good friends" I'm sure) and I will say they are some ripped people! It's the way they got there, though. Do you want your body to work 20 years from now? Yes?  Do you want titanium knees? No? Then don't do CF. The majority of their exercises are ones that should be done with caution and care to form. Never for speed. Never for a ridiculous number of reps. Kipping pull-ups, if you don't know what you're doing proficiently, can mess up your back like you wouldn't believe. Same with deadlifts, squats, muscle ups, etc. CF is supposed to train their clients correctly, they should be experts at form, but they're not. Like I said, most boxes are misled, rushing their clients into things they aren't ready for. If you want your body to last its full life span, treat it right. You wouldn't expect a car to last very long if you did 20 burnouts on it every day.
   Now to the "Cleansers". Ughhhhhhhhh, I HATE that word! That is the most bull shit buzzword in the fitness industry right now. Your body has been cleansing itself since the day you were born. It does not need a few hundred dollars worth of herbs and enzymes to do the trick. There is no "cellular cleanse", that is not scientifically possible. What happens, in fact, is that as the human body burns the fat contained in fat cells (the cells only shrink, they aren't destroyed. Only true starvation destroys fat cells), the "toxins" that are stored in the cells recycle through the liver and are flushed out by the liver. If your body truly "flushed" out all the "toxins" stored in it over a, oh, say 9-day period (Isagenix 9 Day Deep Cleanse) you would probably die.
      "What is clear, however, is that detox schemes — such as fasting or extreme juicing or herbal cleaning solutions — do not seem to make any difference in removing toxins. This might be a good thing, because a sudden, true release of toxins from where they were stored could send the body into shock." (Wanjek, 2013).
   The massive weight loss that occurs in participants in these programs is caused by the healthy eating spectrum of the program. What makes me laugh is the people who complain that they can't lose weight and then go home and down a couple of beers every night. (Nothing wrong with beer, I love it!) Finally, out of desperation, they pay big money for these cleansing programs, which instructs them to cut out beer every night. So they do, and magically the pounds fall off. All in all, they are paying big money for accountability. If you pay me that big money, I'll accountability the crap out of you! Just saying.
    Last but not least, as I stand up here on my soapbox, the sandwiches and the pyramids. Don't ask me if I want to sell Isagenix, because I guarantee I will go ape-shit on you. I cringe whenever I see "Beach Body Certified". Multilevel Marketing. Why not? That is, after all, the cash cow of  marketing. Ohhhh the money they make and the hearts they break! I will reiterate this one more time. The corporation does not care about you. They care about one more person selling their product and recruiting for them. In fact, the more people you recruit, the wider their reach, and they didn't have to do a damn thing. There's a reason "pyramid schemes" (illegal) and multilevel marketing techniques (legal) have a very thin line between them. Sandwiches, that's what I like to call the Exercise-Coaching-Fad Diet Combos. My favorite is Insanity + Coach + Shakeology. The trifecta of instant results, long term failure. All of these businesses pray on the person who couldn't make it work on their own, has become desperate, and can be motivated by the instant results. They also count on the failure that will occur once the user stops using their products. If they didn't, they wouldn't have a leg to stand on financially.
   So, now that I got all of this out of my system (I didn't cleanse!), what works? Hard work. I stand here confidently saying that I am a working mom who eats 80/20 (80 % healthy, 20% not-so-healthy), follows the basic guidelines of eating right, exercises on a daily basis using the correct guidelines (I'm not doing HIIT 6 days a week, I'm following a cardio/resistance training/flexibility program that any personal trainer will put you right in) and I train towards a goal. I love my body. It's not perfect, it's not 110 lbs., but those aren't my qualifications. My qualifications are on paper, because I studies and researched and tested to become a Certified Personal Trainer. I use science. Not emotion. I know what will hurt you, and what won't. That's the right way. Not the desperate way.
 

SuperMom Week 3: This Gets Deep

Day 12:

Legs and abs day, I went to bed this evening thinking it must have been a good workout as I sneeze and want to cry, a good cry at least knowing that I am making changes to my life and body. Today I had an additional 2 mile run/walk, that I did even though I was sore! These runs/walks are turning more into runs! I love running outside, but if I don’t get there right away in the morning it makes it tough. I do like running on a treadmill as well, but love the atmosphere outside. Let’s talk voices, for some reason lately my voices are nice, positively reinforcing my newfound respect to 6 a week workouts. This helps with motivating myself to go the extra mile. When it gets tough in a workout and I want to just give up, this little voice starts singing "Try" by Pink. I love music, I find it very motivating, there are so many great songs to choose from.



Day 13.

Rest day



Day 14

Run/walk. This week I am focusing on making sure I am eating enough protein, I did an assessment of how much is enough and it was recommended that I eat 80-149 grams a day of protein. WHAT??? I thought this seemed like too much, but when I broke down what I try to get in on a daily basis, I realized that I already do this. I am going to increase some as I have a pretty wide range of the recommended amount. It is nice that I have been doing weight watchers for a few months, because my eating is pretty good and under control. Of course I still have my moments I am not proud of, but I found that if I don’t eat that piece of cake I am craving now that in two weeks I will be eating a whole cake myself…. Can I get an AMEN! Of course the important thing to remember is moderation.



Day 15

Run/walk. 38.5 minutes for my 5k today!!! It wasn’t a race, but it was my normal run, however I think this is the best time ever!!!! I was at the gym and when I finished I threw my arms in the air and celebrated, then looked around to see if anyone was in there, NOPE. But really I wouldn’t have cared at all, I was on a high! I was so high that when I was stretching out in the sauna I shared my success with a little old lady that was sitting in there. She asked me why I have made the decision to do what I am. To those that know me I am pretty good about coming up with answers to questions, not very often am I left quiet. I did give her some answers, my kids, my health, my life. But then really thinking about it, I have fought with my weight since I was in middle school, this was the first time I realized what an eating disorder was. I would eat with my friends and then run to the bathroom to puke it up. I by no means was even close to overweight at this point in my life; however had the goggles on that told me I was. At that point I was also battling a skin disease that made me look different, so I really didn’t want to put on weight to have another difference. Then I move to high school where the girls are worried about if their thighs touch. When I was in cheerleading season I knew I was fine because I was very active, on the off season I would work more leaving less time to focus on health. When I graduated and went off to college, well you know what happens there 15 at least pounds. I did work that weight on and off when I would realize I gained a little I would restrict my food until the weight was gone. I was still pretty active at this point. Then bam met my husband, not trying to place blame, but I was comfortable, we went through a lot of fertility issues and had a few miscarriages. I bounced back from that, until I got pregnant…. Up to 32 weeks with my first I had gained 14 pounds, my last three weeks I gained 10 pounds a week (this is the reason he came 5 weeks early, pre-eclampsia). I took me two years and realizing the fertility didn’t work for the second time around for me to lose the weight. 35 pounds to be exact, then bam again I was pregnant. Since having my second child I have tried and done well with losing weight, but then lose my mojo. So long story short (well not really) this is why I am choosing to change my life style and not look for the fad. I have a history, which most of us do. But I want to change my future. I can and want to set tough goals to be able to attain them. I am competitive with myself, always wanting to go a little faster, push myself a little harder.



Day 16:

Halfway there, baby! Although I hope it never ends. Today was the first day since my babies were born that I showed my stomach to anyone, even my husband (interesting, huh?). This is a huge step for me, I have hated my stomach since my first child, never did I think that I would show people.... It is far from perfect, it may never get there, but it is getting better. This motivates me to continue the race to fitness. I don't think I have ever been this motivated for me. It all started with me stepping on the scale, a thing I do once a week at home and once a week at weight watchers, I obsess about this that is why I restrict access. Anyhow, I looked down and thought that can’t be right…. 5 times later, a battery change and the number stayed the same…. Have I really lost 5 pounds, no way. I have struggled to lose my first ten pounds with weight watchers. With this I am extremely close to my 5% goal. (small places to celebrate) 15 weeks to be exact. AND GUESS WHAT, it has been done the right way, no starving, pill, etc. Good ‘ole fashioned butt kicking! This is where I cringe and think of the people that have been telling me this the whole time, thanks family. Maybe I needed to hit rock bottom, a foodaholic (this has to be something)? I needed to admit that I had a problem first before I could find a solution. I really wish that this would have come long ago. However focus on the future, now is my time to rock this! My mom asked me why I was so successful this time, was it investing time and patience with a personal trainer, what was it? Again I am quick to answer and then reflect later. I am not looking for a fad diet or pill; I AM making changes all over. I am in a great job now that allows me more time to work out and do the things that I love. I feel at a good point healthfully, spiritually, emotionally, physically. I believe all of these things aided in my unhealthy choices, it was easy to have that comfort food because I had as stressful job, didn't feel well a lot. (I remember several times my husband getting on my butt because I wanted to nap all weekend, then it turned into not feeling well so I had to nap) The viscous cycle that is hard to admit when you are there. This is not my first time here, I am a thriver of sexual assault. Until I admitted I needed help, I didn't get it. Why do we hit home that is shows weakness to admit the small imperfections we all have? So why does it take rock bottom. Man if I could go back and know what I know now.... again no regret. This is why I am positive this is my time, this time is different.

I think that I needed to live before, try things that were rumored to work, and find out they didn't. I don’t regret, never, I won’t live that way. I think my experience has lead me to where I am today. I think the key is in my week of revelations that I needed to realize for myself, no one could tell me. As far as my workout went, it did. It feels good to hurt! I then went for a bike ride and a short walk!

Sorry guys this has been a week of revelation for me.... So deep. Enjoy! PS if anyone has questions about anything I share on my blog, I would be more than happy for you to get my contact information and answer any questions you have!



Day 17:

Today was not my day. My youngest son, Kellan, slept from 8:30 pm- 12:30 am, he didn’t go back to sleep at all. Originally my husband was going to help so I could make it to the gym, however for some reason I couldn’t go back to bed, so I stayed awake. I was ok missing my run today, because if I did it I am sure something would’ve gone wrong AND I don’t want to injure myself. I did however end up getting my 10,000 steps in, so a little activity. Tomorrow is my big weigh in…. Can’t wait!